I Love You, But We Aren’t Meant to Be

Love Pillow 2013

“The love I wanted so badly would have destroyed me, and I would have let it.” C. Nzingha Smith

I’m sure your parents told you, “no” from time to time as a child. Most likely their reasons for telling you, “no” came from a place of care and love, in order to protect you from harm or danger that you couldn’t see yourself. They denied you of things you felt you wanted at the time, but that were no good for you. In hindsight of the situation, you might be able to look back and see how harmful a situation might’ve been and can now appreciate their wisdom and guidance. Their job was to protect you, to keep you safe and on track. God does the same thing to us as His children. There are things we want so badly, people we feel, we can’t live without, but He blocks paths and doesn’t give us everything we want as the ultimate parent. God knows all things. He sees the harm that will come if He allows certain relationships in your life. He knows your purpose and what He put you on earth to do. Even if the relationship is not a negative situation, if He sees that it could compromise His plan for your life, He’s going to deny you.

What happened when your parents told you “no” about something you wanted?
More than likely, you didn’t go down without a fight and probably resisted to the point of kicking, crying and screaming. Your parents might have let you calm down before trying to explain, or sometimes they didn’t bother to explain, you just had to live with their decision, whether you liked it or not. This is sometimes the case with God and our relationships as well. I just finished kicking and screaming about my particular situation and when I was done, God was patient enough with me to show me how giving me what I wanted would have ruined my life. The person was not “bad” for me, but right now, despite the immense love we share, we aren’t meant to be. My love for him was such that I would have compromised the fundamentals of who I am as a person in order for us to be together. I would have stayed contained to one place, doing things for the sake of what I thought love is supposed to mean, but in the end I would have been miserable. I would've been out of God’s will because I would’ve put a man before Him and what He’s given me to do. I had to come to terms with the fact that love in theory is much easier than the application of that love in real life. Then I had to be honest with myself about why I was clinging on to the love so tightly. Was it because I truly wanted it or because I needed a distraction and excuse for not doing the work I’ve been given? We are quick to take our frustrations out on God when He doesn’t give us what we want, but we have to be honest about our motives behind asking.

At the end of the day, pray and seek God's guidance. If you ask God for discernment, He will show you why it's not meant to be, or tell you simply not yet, and grant you peace about the situation. I used to believe in the one true love ideal. However, over the years, I’m finding this particular point of view, extremely limiting. I don’t like to feel limited, so as I continue to grow, I’m learning to be open to all of love’s many possibilities. I believe delay is not denial, so who knows what God has in store for me and for us. He may grant me that particular desire once I’m doing what He wants me to do, He might not. He might be giving me a preview, using the love I feel for this particular person as a test run, similar to a playoff game, on the road to my championship win. Everyone has to be proven, before they're prepared for the "real thing". I don’t know. I won’t know unless I continue walking, trusting and having faith that God knows what’s best for me. Sure, it hurts at first, but when you have your life flash before your eyes, where you can see clearly how a particular relationship can derail you completely, it’s better to see it before it happens, than to wait until afterwards and trying to pick up the pieces of regret. 

M.A.K.E. Love, 

~C. Nzingha