|Frustrating Moments | Genoa, Italy 2014|
“If you need more love, why don’t you just say so?”
John Mayer Lyrics
John Mayer says it all in this brief quote. He’s willing, he cares, he wants to please her and give her the love she needs, but he needs her to tell him what she needs. He admits that he can’t read her mind and needs her direction. He admits that he’s trying, but might not have a clue, but wants to find out, so he can take care of it, whatever it is. If it’s more love she needs, he’s capable, if she’ll just say the word. Why do we as women fail to voice our needs, but can nag and complain about what we don’t want and what doesn’t make us happy? Is it because we don’t really know? Have we not taken the time out to find out what really makes us happy? Have we transitioned from our parent’s house to his house without any self-discovery breaks in between? Are we depending on our men to figure it out all on their own without any direction from us because we won’t admit we have no clue? If any of these reasons are valid, and most likely they are the case in a lot of relationship scenarios, we are setting our men up for failure
and have to accept responsibility for some of our own unhappiness and discontentment. How can men be expected to accomplish anything if we don’t tell them the end goal and what they should be focused on? Men need proper direction, most of the time they will take it from there. They might need some poking, prodding and provoking, but most of all they need us to give them some clues, a starting point and a compass to guide them, better yet, to just tell them straight up and be upfront, so they can get to the end result faster.
Communication in love is everything. Contrary to what we as women may think and the many things men are wonderful at doing, reading our minds, ladies, is not on the list of the gifts men possess. We know this, so why do we act like this will change from man to man? It doesn’t, hasn’t and won’t. We can hope, will and pray that one day men will have the ability to look into our heads and read our thoughts, but it’s probably safe to say, it’s not going to happen. I, personally, am probably not the best friend to come to with relationship problems because I’m not the other person in the relationship. I will be polite and listen, but I definitely give the “why the hell are you telling me face”, and at the end of the rant, I’m going to piss the friend off further with the obvious question; “Have you told him any of this?” Then I get the deer in headlights look. Like really, I should actually tell him how I feel and what I want? Umm…yes! It should be the obvious next step, but most women will tell everyone one of their girlfriends, call overseas to a help group, complain after their yoga class to the people who can chime in and co-sign on their grief, but the last person on earth they want to tell is the only person on earth that can do anything to change it, their man.
Ladies, we are the most enlightened species ever created and the most intelligent, so why do we keep falling short on something so simple, I wonder? If there is a problem in your relationship and you don’t want to fix it, then leave because you're heart is not in it and you don't want to be there, so why stay? If there is a problem and you wish to fix it, it’s important then the only person you should be discussing the problem with is the other half involved in your relationship. It’s unhealthy, frustrating and completely unproductive to divulge your personal relationship details, especially problems, with family, friends and strangers. Men don’t possess psychic powers to read our minds, so we have to help them out. We have to get over our disappointment and start being frank about what we want and more importantly what we need. If you need something, tell him, if he cares about you and the relationship, he will address your concern with love and urgency. He will attempt to fix it, he may need you to be patient with him, understanding and supportive of his efforts, but ultimately, if he loves you, he wants to make you happy or he wouldn’t be with you in the first place.
We women are going to have to become more assertive in working with the men we love instead of being petty and difficult about every single unimportant minuscule detail (I’m taking my own advice here, because I can be extremely difficult and stubborn at times). If it isn’t going to matter tomorrow, next month or five years from now, it probably shouldn’t be the source of strife and division in your relationship. If it does and he doesn’t know (and if you haven’t been upfront and told him, chances are he really doesn’t have a clue) then you need to communicate to him what your concerns are so you can work together to fix them. It makes the process that much easier and leaves more time for making up! If you don’t know, it’s time for you to put on your big girl panties and fess up and ask for help in discovering it together. Contrary to popular belief, there is a subtle sexiness in a woman who is strong enough to actually allow herself to show her vulnerability. You might need to take some time a part until you figure it out because if you’re not happy, you can’t add to anyone else’s happiness.
With Love & Gratitude,