The back door approach. Ugh! You know the guy...a co-worker or someone you might of grown up with that recently found you on FB, a fellow classmate or the like who befriends you in an attempt to take the back door to your heart. Ladies you know him, the nice guy who is there to hang out with, talk to and laugh with, no strings attached. Depending on how close you are with him, you might even discuss some of your real love woes, you know cause that's what friends do. All the while he is biding his time and waiting to ponce on you. What I want to know is where are the warning signs? Personally, I've been fortunate enough to have guy friends who I have platonic relationships with that haven't come out of the closet and boasted any romantic feelings. I could mention them by name, but will just say thank you for being rare, I appreciate it and love you dearly. On the other hand, I have had the occasional so called friendship go astray. Remedy: Give a disclaimer at the beginning, letting them know you will delete them from your addy book and never talk to them again if they catch feelings and have the balls to pursue you. The drawback to this is they often see it as a challenge and it makes them even more prone to try their luck. I know right! You can't win for losing. SMH.
As for me, I don't want a manzie, if you are scared or don't know how to approach me, then it's probably best you don't. All I'm saying is be real. No need to befriend me in falsehood if you are secretly wanting to date me. It's a recipe for a major disaster. Guy friends, please know you are looked at and treated differently than a guy we are romantically interested in. You run the risk of serious frustration and feelings of confusion and disgust. The only exception I've found to this was my first love, who happened to be my best friend. Yeah, doubt if that happens twice in my lifetime. I'm just saying.
Interesting point, Ms. Smith, but forgive for my hasty generalizaion, but some men are simple men. I think it is normal for a man to play the friend role to get to know you, and I think it is an effective approach. Being upfront is not always possible. There are some gray areas. Now true enough, we men are sneaky creatures, but you can't blame a man for trying to feel that void in your life. The expectation of people will always vary. There is no concrete rule. Is it possible for a man to not to see you as a possible love, but after conversing with you for so long, he falls for you? Maybe it was something you said or something you did that triggered this behavior. Should you dislike him because of this? Besides, in this world, there are many avenues to hook a lady, playing a friend role is one of them, but I understand why this approach would despise you if you praise yourself for picking good friends. I myself know I only have a handful of true friends, so I expect.
ReplyDeleteJ. Edward thank you for stopping by and shedding some male insight. I agree that there are a lot of grey areas and exceptions, one of which I pointed out at the end, however, this post was at the back door guy whom intentions are clear in his mind, but wants to make you think otherwise and for this I think there is a bit to be leary about because it is dishonest. Especially when you are clear about your wanted interaction with him.
ReplyDeleteAs for my praising myself for good judgement, well not so much. I would like to think I have a good inclination when it comes to character and picking up on like minded individuals, but sometimes the wolf in sheeps clothing gets by you every now and then. I'm looking forward to chatting with you more. Visit again soon!