Tuesday

Love: What's In It for Me?



Every morning at 6:00 a.m. EST I post a love quote of the day on my Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn Pages to serve as inspiration and to give myself and those I’m connected with online, a warm and fuzzy moment to kick start our day. I’ve had people send me messages when I miss a day or haven’t posted. I’ve been surprised to find out for some of my online family it’s the first thing they read when they get up. It’s probably safe to say we could all use more love in our lives. If that is the case, then why do we fight so hard to suppress the love we really want to share and get out of us? One day I received a message from someone I use to date via Facebook, he asked, “Who are you in love with, who’s the special guy?” The question threw me off at first, so I asked him to explain further. “Every day you post a love quote and are sharing all this love and happiness, there has to be someone in your life inspiring this, right?” Does there? I thought. It had never occurred to me that I needed a reason to inspire love in myself and others or to share the love inside of me with people now, in this stage of my life. My reply after I took some time thinking about it was, “No one in particular. It’s my duty to inspire love in others. My love is my gift to the world and I’m free to share it now.”

Have you ever felt irritated because you didn’t have a significant other to be affectionate toward or you wanted to act one way, but wasn’t sure the other person would reciprocate your love? Have you ever wanted to throw caution to the wind and be mushy, affectionate, loving and caring without worrying about getting anything back in return?
Sure you have, we all have. We battle and war within ourselves to try to suppress these natural feelings and natural instincts that love inspires in us. You know why it’s a battle to beat back these desires to be free in love? The answer is: because the love we have inside of us is our gift to the world and everyone we meet. It’s the one gift we can and should give freely without fear and without looking for something in return.

I’m learning I don’t like the immature view of love anymore, I don’t think it’s ever worked for me to be honest, but in the past I didn’t have any other alternate views or perceptions about love, so I stayed frustrated. Thank God I am growing out of it (I say growing because I’m still a work in progress). For example; the immature in love say; “I can only reciprocate if you initiate. I can only be reactive; love is only something I do when the other person feels or does the same for me or I can only profess love when I’m looking for specific reactions from others.” Actually, I’ve learned taking this view of love limits by ability to give my gift of love away the way I want to. It limits me and what I can do with my love and I don’t like that. Most of the time, these are the same type of people who want to be in control of every single thing and everyone else except themselves. What they don’t realize is, they are giving all of their control away. Love carries with it responsibility and the immature in love need a scapegoat. They need someone else to be responsible for their mistakes, mishandling or lack of skills when it comes to expressing their love, so they play the victim. I also realize my capacity to love others is way bigger than having one man be the object of it, poor thing, he wouldn’t be able to handle it all because it’s like a laser beam of light, intense and too powerful to contain. However, he’ll benefit by my having other outlets to spread the love I have inside of me around a bit. Plus, it’ll be more powerful that way because I can positively affect more people. I know how important not having love in your life is and how this effects every action we take and shapes the course of our lives for the better or for the worse.

So, I’ve since given myself permission to be free in love. Those who are free in love act. They take responsibility for their actions. They are the people who understand releasing their love is an important part of who they are and apart of the natural process of their lives. They also realize that holding back their love, holding their love in or waiting for one particular person, will often cause them more pain and harm than good. I’ve always had a special capacity to love people despite how they treated me, the more I endured the lack of love in my family life, the more I wanted to make sure others didn’t have to feel this way, ever. My natural desire was to make sure I didn’t repeat the unloving behavior projected toward me on to others. I learned compassion and how to love people past their pain because I could identify with it and this made me feel the need to correct it even though I wasn’t the cause. I’ve always had a special way of connecting with the insides of people. I use the word “insides” because I don’t know what exactly connects me with them on a deeper level. It may be our hearts, souls, or the hurt and pain we’ve shared from lack of love. I have no clue. I know what it is like not to feel loved on many different levels and to have the love you’re giving to others taken for granted or abused. However, I refuse to not be free in love. I refuse to go back to being reactive in love because it’s absolutely miserable to me. My negative love experiences haven’t made me want to keep my love to myself, guarded or protected; it’s actually made me want to strive to do better loving people. I can’t say I’ve never looked for things in return or had motives in loving in the past, but I can say that I did myself and the other person a huge disservice because I didn’t give of my love freely.

Often times we create the friction in our relationships because of what we secretly want to share, which is our unique love in a way, only we can. The friction doesn’t come because of lack of reciprocation or because we worry about whether or not the other person is worthy of our love. The frustration we experience comes from the fact that we aren’t free enough to give ourselves permission to love without limits. We hold back and don’t act out of fear and this is what complicates things and makes what should be simple, difficult. So, if you want to know what’s in it for you? Everything! Healing, forgiveness, friendship, companionship, happiness, joy, laughter, memories, deeper connections, someone to grow older with, the list is endless. But you will only grasp love’s power when you act in love freely, when you take the limits off and give yourself permission to take control over how you want to express your own unique gift of love that’s only been given to you to give to others. Get free! It’s for your own good and the rest of us will benefit too! ;)

With Love & Gratitude,
~C. Nzingha